lately I have been walking around my house with unkempt hair, listening to the monotonous sound of the floorboards hum as they have several times before. stumbling, half asleep i held my breath like the strength that i have kept covered beneath clenched fists. it’s winter again and i wish i could find all the right words in my head, but there are so many things i want to say and i need you to hear, so many things.. i miss that time before winter came north and before the birds flew south. those times before the earth’s soft edges turned cold like that moment when you realize a new year doesn’t mean a goddamn thing because i know that i am only getting older and i am spending too much of my time alone waiting for something to happen.

this morning i splashed lukewarm water over my tired eyes and hoped for everything that i had ever wanted. today felt like spring, a time for new beginnings and second chances. i opened my aggressive fists and held hands with strangers in my mind. perhaps it was the 70 degree weather, the way the sun fell on my skin mid-afternoon, and the way the opaque moon shyly sat in the sky. 

and then i felt like everything was possible.